I’m glad you found your way to my site! My name is Melody. If you don’t mind, let me share a little bit of my story with you.
I grew up in a Christian home, where we attended church every time the doors were open. I remember playing outside one day, looking at the clouds. To me, one of the clouds looked like a person…..I thought it was Jesus coming back….and I wouldn’t be able to go with Him because I hadn’t accepted Him as my Savior. For years, I looked back to that incident as the time that I got saved.
Fast forward to 2001, when I got married and moved here to SC. For the first time in my life, I began to hear preaching where the preacher would say something to the effect of, “if you can’t name the time and the date where you got saved, then you probably aren’t saved.” I had real issues with that type of preaching. I couldn’t name the time or the date, or even my exact age – but I was convinced I was saved. I figured I got saved when I was little, so why was I struggling now? But I doubted so much. In hindsight, I see that I had been doubting my salvation long before that, but had always dismissed it.
During that time we switched churches twice. We taught at a Christian school in a neighboring town for a year, then Stephen felt called to preach and became licensed to preach. He became the youth pastor at a different church for a year. While we were working with the youth I doubted so much. I had no peace whatsoever. I struggled, but at that point I really pushed the doubts away. My husband was a Youth Pastor, and he was called to preach! How dare I say I doubted my salvation! It was also during this time that we learned about our infertility. I was devastated.
Then the senior pastor approached us about a church that was looking for a music director, pianist, and teacher for their school. He felt that we fit the description so well that he had to share the info with us. We interviewed, got the job, and that is the church we attend today.
I remember driving home one night after church, discussing that evening’s sermon. Our pastor had preached about salvation, and Stephen admitted to me that he had been having doubts about his salvation. I felt better, since I wasn’t the only one doubting.
My lack of peace got worse. I was absolutely miserable. Then we felt God leading us to pursue adoption. We started the process that August. The next March, we found out about our Little man.
Then, March 28, 2004, I got up to get ready for church that Sunday, and Stephen told me he needed to tell me something. He had gotten saved! Well, that really threw me for a loop. If he thought he had gotten saved as a child, but really hadn’t, then what about me? My testimony was so similar to his. And I had been having some serious doubts. I was happy for him, but then I had even less peace.
Then Little man was born in April – 6 weeks early. I loved being a mother, but something was missing. I figured it was just part of the normal adoptive bonding process. But the turmoil in my life got worse. Stephen and I met with our pastor. He encouraged me to pray that God would show me one way or another – that if I was saved, to give me the assurance I needed, and if I wasn’t saved, to show me that I was lost.
Finally, one Wednesday night, our pastor decided to have a testimony time during the service. Over and over, each person just kept saying how real their salvation was to them, and how much joy they had. I just sat there. I knew that it wasn’t real to me, I had no peace, and no joy. I was lost.
July 10, 2004, at 11:11 pm (how neat is that???), I finally admitted that I was lost, and I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. My husband got to pray with me as I accepted Christ. In fact, I knelt beside the same bed that he had knelt beside just 4 months earlier. I honestly believe that I needed to see that even becoming a mother was not enough to fill a void in my life. In high school and college, all I wanted was a boyfriend; after marriage, all I wanted was a baby. I was always searching for that something. But that Something that I needed was Christ.
I will never forget that day. I had been so involved in religion – trying to do, do, do – never realizing that I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ. I was a Sunday School teacher and the church pianist, but I was as lost as they come.
But God saved me!!!! AMEN!!!
And my life has never been the same.