A realization

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Stephen and I had an interesting discussion last night about weight. Mine, to be specific.

I’m in the time frame right now where everybody’s understanding that I’m still above where I’d like to be. Really, C is only 4 months old. Some friends have told me to not worry about my weight just yet, that I’ve got time.

Well, I understand that – children are only little once. I’m not disregarding that in any way. But I’m overweight and am not liking that AT ALL. Even little changes now (like becoming more active) would help immensely, even if the weight doesn’t melt off like it did before.

It’s been a year and a half since my weight loss journey began again. I lost 40 pounds in college and put it all back on again once I got married. I had been on the birth control pill to regulate my cycles, and went off it right before we got married. The first three-four months I was off it I gained back all I had lost and then some. I learned that it was a hormone problem (PCOS) that kept me from losing weight as easily.

Well, ok, that, and way too much candy and soda from the vending machines at work. But I don’t work there anymore so THAT problem is solved. Now if the self-control issue were as easy to solve!

Anyway, October of ’06 I saw my new gyn who told me to start exercising (30 min a day EVERY day) and to eliminate white carbs (bread, pasta, etc.). I did. I started losing weight pretty quickly. I was looking great and feeling even better.

Then last June (a year ago yesterday, actually), I did a home pregnancy test to prove to myself that I really wasn’t pregnant. I thought I’d just been imagining symptoms but to my complete shock, I really was pregnant! After almost 6 years of infertility – we were thrilled! Still are, actually.

Well, I loosened up on my eating during the pregnancy because I figured I needed to eat more carbs than I had been. I loosened up too much, and found out later that how I was eating had been just fine.

The last trimester alone I gained 20 pounds. Oops. I had wanted to gain no more than thirty pounds total – but ended up gaining 40. I guess that’s not insanely horrible, but going over that 200 mark again was terrifying.

Then C was born, and I lost 20 pounds in the first few weeks. That made me really happy. But as a nursing mother, I was trying to figure out what in the world I was supposed to be eating, and how that compared to how I need to eat to lose weight.

In trying to figure out how to eat, I’ve gained back 8 or 9 of those pounds, trying to find that balance. I thought I was eating too little for a while, so I upped my intake. But I can feel the difference in my clothes. They’re getting snugger. Yuck.

Granted, I am back into my pre-pregnancy skirts, most of them, anyway. I’m thankful for that. But they’re pretty tight, and not comfortable.

So I’m putting it all out here on the blog, lol. Maybe by posting that I’m working on it will help motivate me more. The tight waistbands of my skirts and the closet full of beautiful dress clothes that are just a size too small should be motivation enough, but hey. More can’t hurt, right?

I’m going to start exercising again and see how much that helps. I’m afraid that without the metformin I won’t be able to lose weight, but then again, if I’m not insulin resistant anymore, maybe I don’t need it for weight loss either.

So, my dear blog readers, here I go. . .