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Oh my. Where to start. Today was a bittersweet day.
This was my first Mother’s Day as a mother of two children. It was wonderful. S came running up to me a dozen times at least. “Happy Mudders Day, Mommy!” In many ways, it was a Mother’s Day like those I used to dream of.
But that’s just the thing. Even though my S is four and I have a darling 3-month-old C, it seems somewhat odd how infertility still seems to come to my mind today. Well, I guess it’s really not all that odd.
Our church recently called a new pastor. He and his wife haven’t been at the church that long yet. I was curious how Mother’s Day would be handled. It ended up being pretty much as I expected – all the mothers stood and were given pens and bookmarks, and the sermon was from Proverbs 31 (which was actually more about being a Proverbs 31 woman than about being a mother – it was very good though).
As I stood with the rest of the ladies standing, I couldn’t help but wonder about the women who aren’t mothers today. Not just at my church though – all the women who long to be mothers, but for whatever reason, aren’t. I’ve been there. It hurts. How many of those ladies had to endure comments today like, “You just wait – your time will be soon” or “I wish I didn’t have any kids” or “Don’t you want any kids?” or “Why don’t you have children?”
I have a prayer partner on Hannah’s Prayer. She’s still waiting for God to send her children. She has been so heavy on my heart yesterday and today. I know today is emotional. I know church is hard. I can’t be there physically to give her a hug, but you better believe I’ve been lifting her up in prayer today. Not just today, but especially today.
A couple ladies I know just had recent miscarriages. They have to spend their Mother’s Day knowing their little ones were born straight to Heaven and that they won’t be able to hold their children here on earth.
Why is it that a day that so many celebrate and enjoy can bring pain to so many others? I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I’ve watched from the outside, waiting, desperately longing to become a mother. I’ve celebrated it as a mother, but one who doesn’t know if God will ever send another child. And then there was this year – where I looked completely “normal” to outsiders, as a mom of two boys. But yet I wonder if God will choose to add to our family again or if He considers our family complete as it is. Funny how infertility brings uncertainty like that.
So today, I prayed. I didn’t know what else to do. My heart was so burdened today for all those who are hurting. There were Mother’s Days for me that I just barely made it through – by God’s strength alone. Maybe there was someone praying for me. Today I prayed for God’s strength for those ladies who are walking along that same painful path of infertility that I walked.
As contradictory as it may sound, infertility really can be a blessing.