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I’m feeling really introspective tonight. I was browsing Hannah’s Prayer earlier today, and noticed that one of the ladies there is in the process of adopting again. We were both in the process at the same time the first go-round. Is it really time again?
And I realize that things don’t always go as we plan. Before we got married, I figured we’d have 2 or 3 children by now. I never dreamed infertility would be in God’s plan for us.
You know what though? As painful as infertility is…I wouldn’t trade what we’ve gone through. If we would have conceived immediately, we may never have adopted Little man, and I may never have come to know Christ.
But now that we have adopted, and now that I have accepted Christ, I begin to wonder what God has planned for us next. My heart’s desire? To become pregnant. Nearly everybody who knows me personally knows that. But more than just becoming pregnant, I want more children. Really, not just me. We want more children. Stephen and I were just talking about this tonight. We’d love to adopt again right now, but it just isn’t possible at the moment.
But we just want more children – regardless of how they enter our family. By adoption, by birth, we don’t care.
And that is exactly where I struggle to reconcile my thoughts. I greatly desire pregnancy, but I desire God’s Will more. I often wonder how to pray. I wonder if the reason I haven’t conceived yet is because God is preparing our next adoption – however far in the future that may be. I don’t know. So I just pray for both. That God would do His Will in our lives first and foremost, and if He sees fit – to send another little one into our family sometime soon.
Hey Meredith, it sure is easy to second-guess things, isn’t it? One thing I’ve learned about adoption, though, is that if that’s something God wants for your family – He’ll show you, and He’ll be very clear about it. He sure was with us!
Thanks for sharing this–it made me feel much less alone. My son is almost four, and we haven’t been able to have another one. Can I be content with one when all I ever wanted was a big happy family? Am I shorting my son by not finding him siblings through adoption? It would be easier to trust God’s Will if I could just figure out what He wants for me 🙂
I can easily relate – I was just blogging about this same sort of thing this morning. 🙂 It is harder than it should be to trust in God’s sovereignty. 🙂